Uncontainable (Is that even a word?!)

Ok, I've gotta get this off of my chest... Man, where do I even begin? I just looked at the clock.. it's 10:53 PM on a Saturday night. [A Saturday night, mind you..] I've been sitting in front of my MacBook Pro for about 4 hours... I started off studying for a marketing research exam, but I've spent the last 3.75 hours perusing wedding photography websites. This happens all the time.... I ride this roller coaster of emotions...

First, I experience incredible bliss when I flip through extraordinary wedding photography. I mean, it's SO good that you scratch your head thinking, "This can't be real!"
Second, I marvel at the technical ability of these photographers. INCREDIBLE. I wonder how these people can get such powerful images of SPLIT second moments shooting at 1.0 and get the precise area of the pupil of the eye in focus. I find it difficult to call myself a photographer when I see their work.
Next, I experience this extreme, overpowering determination to be one of THE most recognized photographers in the U.S. And this is the part that gets me... I start dreaming and wishing and planning and vigirously penning in my little black Moleskine journal. It's as if my passion is uncontainble, it's just LEAPING out of me. I feel like I'm going to explode. Listen to me... sheesh. You would think I'm an artist or something..... Seriously though, it takes everything inside me to say, "René, slow down, you're still young! You're not that far behind them. Patience is a virtue. Think how long these people have been in the business! Imagine where YOU'LL be when you're their age." "Patience is a virtue." I need to get that tattooed on my forehead. You know, there is just SO much information out there that I am totally oblivious to. Don't get me wrong, I'm educated; I read, I take classes and attend seminars, but it's not enough. I need to do these things more. I need to shoot more. I need to spend more time with my nose in books and magazines and working with other photographers. I just don't... have... the... time... Many of you know, I'm a full time college student. I get so aggravated because I have to spend time studying the regions of Antarctica. Last week, I memorized 98 places in Europe, only to be tested on 10 of them.. 98! That was about 2 hours staring at an atlas. 2 hours when I could have been shooting. Trust me, I'm counting down the days until graduation so I can put 100% of my time into my business. I'd say now it's about a 40/60 split. 60% of my time being spent on business.. 40 on school. Well, if you really want to get to the short and skinny of it, deduct about 10% for yoga and the gym, 5% for playing with Calvin, 5% cooking (hah, more like 1), 20% of my time sleeping. Listen to me, I'm rambling... Anyway, the point is: photography.. I don't know what it is about it, but I can't get enough of it.
And lastly... after all the excitement of planning for the future, as Austin Powers would say, "I'm spent." I get so emotionally drained after viewing these web sites and resources.. But it's good for me. It puts the pressure on to be better, every day and every shoot.

*sigh*

I feel better now.

Every moment is an opportunity to learn, grown, and influence others. I say it all the time. While I'm not totally thrilled about the whole college thing, I am thankful for being there. I make the most of it. I learn a lot. I get good grades. But I'd rather be photographing.... (Now, is that even a word??)